♥ The Musings of Mandy: Archive

Excited

For the past year or so I’ve just been using my blog to post things that have “clicked” for me in hopes of inspiring others who may already be so inclined (otherwise they wouldn’t be reading this in the first place), however, at the moment I just feel the need to touch buttons in specific patterns until they form words. I’m going to pick up Serendipity in three...

Dec 30th

The Reality

I thought I was getting “better.” I don’t know if life after losing a loved one ever gets “better,” but at the very least, it was tolerable. I was living again. I was ‘me’ again. Then for some reason, the pain came back. The feeling of loss came back. I began missing him like it had only been days since I lost him. I know from experience that grief comes...

Dec 19th

If I Could Be Where You Are - Enya

Dec 10th

I Feel It All

I’d give anything to see him sunbathing blissfully again, warming my heart as much as he was warming his flesh. Shopping has always been about more than frivolous material items to fill my home or make me look pretty. In fact, I have a very minimal and modern style so I don’t buy junk. It has always been about creating the perfect space for me and my family. My family being my cats...

Dec 10th

Serendipity

A few days ago I said to myself as I was browsing cats and dogs (and even bunny rabbits) in need of a home, that if I ever did get another animal, I’d want our lives’ collision to be purely serendipitous. I even toyed with the idea of naming her Serendipity - an internal suggestion almost immediately vetoed based on the fact that it’s too gender-specific to be truly...

Dec 7th

Water Treatment

Loving Cupid was always on top of my TO DO list. It wasn’t the first shower but it was the first I took as a human rather than an autonomous drone. I didn’t intend for it to be different than every shower I’ve taken since I lost him, but as I ran my hands under the stream and the drops beat melodically against my fingertips, I became aware that those tiny cells would never...

Dec 6th

The First 'Fuck You'

Cupid’s heart-shaped muzzle, pointed at the end for easier and deeper soul penetration. I had a calendar with bubbles on each day resembling very large bubble wrap. I remember running my hand over all of the bubbles when I first got it, wondering what this year had in store for me. Somehow having tangible pockets of air made each day seem more significant. I paused at important dates such...

Dec 5th

Missing You - Jem I wish this could be a happy...

Dec 5th

The Void

Cupid curled up in my shirt (11/29) - a treat for us both highly dependent on the shirt’s elasticity. I’d prop him up on the desk in front of me for added support. I hadn’t anticipated how great the loss would be. I was feeling as positive as one could feel when facing the death of someone they greatly cherished with all their being. I had thoughts of what my life would be like...

Dec 4th

Watch

Sweet, lovable, cherished, holder of my heart.

Dec 3rd